Tag Archives: smoke

Being sober in a club.

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Apres Avant-5.6.10 - 125We all know the drill with nightclubs right – drink, dance, smoke – increasingly frequent toilet brakes – then repeat in various different combinations – strangely the dancing usually consumes more of your time the more drunk you become. The experience, however, is entirely different when your not overspending on tequilas or dancing with single ladies your convinced want a piece – it is like a minefield, of crazed hormone-erratic  maniacs trying to seduce their woes into a numb salvageable pain.

The over-squirted scent of bubblegum and candyfloss cascade whilst bass-pumping and ground thumping speakers try their hardest to do the minimum amount of damage to your eardrums – and without the warm arms of alcohol to insulate your body standing in the cold is like taking a dip in an ice pool!

The weirdest thing is you start to try and justify what you’re doing, and why your trying to dance in that way, or pretend to smile at music you have no interest for, maybe trying to amuse yourself with two measly bitter-sweet drinks knowing that you can’t have anymore because you’ve got to drive home – either way, its like the worst experience in the world.

Even just trying to hold a drink among the screaming intoxicated rabble desperately trying impress their mates with a seemingly endless line of over-priced drinks is a mission. Just for the record the things that you think on a night out will be a great idea like people pretending to scream in selfies, or scantily clad women clambering tank-topped giants, with the elder gentlemen trying to fit in, gawking at what they’d wished they’d done in their youth – when your sober look damn right embarrassing, for all parties involved!

The  only solace that can be taken from an experience like this is that you realize you’re exactly the same on a night out – they are you, stumbling, fumbling and making an absolute fool out of themselves – a horrible realization – which has led me to the realization that clubs without alcohol would literally be the worst thing ever – like a year seven disco, replacing alcohol with sweets and fizzy drink!

Rule of thumb – if you’re going to a club sober, you’re going to have a bad time.

On top of a table.

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Upon the table stood a thirty-two inch Alba perching against the east facing wall which stared precariously over the condiments that were mangled, overlapping and oddly placed. A green translucent jug, sticky and overturned, lie between empty bottles of beer and cracked glass. Plates, scattered and covered in scraps of uneaten food. Post-stick notes together and separate, ripped and untouched stuck to deodorant cans and caps of bottle drunk. Tobacco pouches strewed and tawny orange stains littered the laminate wood, that it rested on. The pitter-patter of mouse clicks, keyboard keys, and Xbox buttons hung like wasted decibels only outweighed by the bellowing screams of a kettle. Disks, cards and sunglasses accompanied the collaborative mess almost pushing the boundaries close to falling off the edge. The remnants of takeaways past chewed, spewed and splattered with sauces of red, brown and white in a rustling grease paper box. A consumed peach schnapps bottle held its structural dominance standing triumphant among the scuttling rubbish surrounding it. Pointless receipts and stubby coloured glasses, designed for shots, held up a half full packet of JB like ants couriering their food to their queen. Carved keys, and wallets encapsulated the unending growth of the taxing environment that sustained all walks of life, from ants to moths. The smell of poultry, ash and regret licked effervescently above and beyond the table dissipating further into it’s surrounding. Cigarettes burnt and stubbed into, lids of plastic, tin and yoghurt pots still with foil half covering the only accessible point.  Green and continually bending plastic garden chairs tucked under, pushed out and somewhere in between allowed the makers of this wasteland to continue, essentially enabling the tables demise. Once friends they now feared one another, as the scratches and screeches of the chairs moving position startled the compressed fibers that made up the four legs of the table; striking fear, angst and disappointment within an old friend. It had long been since the table held nothing but it’s own weight, it wondered if it ever would.

Lacking Formality.

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After the recent April Fool’s day pranks, hosted by various prestigious companies, I have come to the conclusion that social media and the internet have played a crucial role in the increased informality that has swept across the nation – and I love it! It’s all down to our generation and our predecessors, changing the world in our wake, allowing companies to tweet customers apologies and worldwide witticisms like:

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Their reply is probably one of the most convention shattering incidences to happen on the internet. When before have companies been allowed to publicly speak to their customers in such an informal and colloquial manner? – great banter.

That fact that people are using their positions of power (newspapers) to have a laugh with or at the general public is genius – there is a growing expectation that this will only increase. You only have to look at the Google, Facebook, Youtube and Pixar offices to know that the world is changing into a comfortable, young, purely internet-orientated place – aren’t we lucky.

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You can’t tell me that you don’t think working here would be like the best thing ever! – Right? I bet they’re all sipping cocktails, tail-gating tequilas and smoking Cubans in the Head quarters like – who should we commemorate today?

The worlds a changing place, becoming more electronic everyday, but with that is coming a break in the tradition of 9 till 5 offices, wearing the same charcoal suit everyday, staring at grey and daringly dull walls – I guess we owe them a thank-you?

Not every job is like this obviously, but the day you get offered a job at Google, Facebook, Pixar, Youtube, Twitter or any other social media website you damn sure better take it – I mean look at those chairs! According to sources: Pixar, instead of offices, have their own cottages in which they work – one is themed around pink unicorns. Yep, I said it. Pink. Unicorns.

This change is wonderful, and can only continue to grow (unless Fallout 3 isn’t a game but, in fact, a true prediction of the future) and eventually, when enough advances in social media and the internet are introduced, formal will be the new informal. A world where people in suits walk around being all formal with all the informals in positions of power like stop being so formal, freaks! – what a strange world to imagine.